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boyish bravery (the feeling of it all)

march 2010, a trembling handful of days in my brave new life in the bay to be smitten and save(d). my old life, my sure life, i wish i knew it to never end. my old life, my pure life, i wish i loved last the first time again. oof. memories.

i found this photo by happenstance, ariana took it, and i hadn't seen it before. i remember (most of) that night out when i just arrived in the bay area to be with someone and be with her. things were good and should've been better had i been better, i've ripped myself apart to reassemble my being to not just learn from my mistakes, but to grow from them so they won't ever happen. even if it's way too late. even if i don't want to be with anyone romantically again. i just want to do good and make everyone proud of me. maybe it's weird to some people i posted it on my social media but i was excited having luckily found a vestige of an era that was very special to me. it's not for anyone or anything else, it's for me, and i'm only ever trudging a parade march for a little more warmth.

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